my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
