ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
