I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
