is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
