So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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