I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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