Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
