So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
