Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize