Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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