I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Someone signed my nipple.
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