It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
how does that bad decision feel?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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