And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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