For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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