OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
