Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize