On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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