Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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