I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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