I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
