im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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