I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize