the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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