that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He? As in you personified your dick?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
