what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
