Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize