Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize