We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
