Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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