just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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