So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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