i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
