I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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