I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm always down for nudity.
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