Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
