Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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