eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
