Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize