she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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