Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize