I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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