U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
