he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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