You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I could make wine with my vomit
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Come share oat with me in your robe
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
