Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize