So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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