I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Randomize