"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
