new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You took a bar mat shot.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
