There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
