C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
