i already hear my dad disowning me
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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