i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
