Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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