i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
