This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
