Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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