In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
