There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
