you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
