I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
