mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
