The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
