He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
