i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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