Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
