We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
