i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
