I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
