After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize