I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
