He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
