Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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