make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
