How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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