You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
