I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Four minutes until I can fart!
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
