Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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