Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
you will always have a special place in my vag
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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