The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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